i don’t even care that we were never super close, you helped me through an EXTREMELY hard time for me, whether you realize it or not. because of that, i feel somehow connected to you. i worry about you. and yeah, it’s fucked up, but other girls make me jealous. i love my boyfriend and everyone knows that, but for some reason you have this weird hold on me that hasn’t gone away yet. in some ways, you piss me off to no end. you like to put yourself down for some reason and you have no idea how great you are. i have LITERALLY said that you were the nicest dude i’ve ever met. ever. and i meant it. and i still think that. and i wish we could just chill and talk about everything. for some reason, as soon as i met you i wanted to tell you every little insignificant detail of my life. i really thought we were going somewhere and then all of a sudden.. nothing. you kind of dipped. and honestly it didn’t really bother me until way later. yeah, in a way i’m glad you did because me and john got back together.. but at the same time, i wanted us to progress. and then you went through like 50 different girls lmao. good for you dude but what about me? i had the hugest crush on you ever. the first day i actually met you was SO fucking cute askdaksdaskjd. like literally, best first “date” ever. we fucking made out to dashboard confessional live.. high. lmao what could have possibly been cuter than that? i don’t know dude. but hang out with me. i’m not saying i have feelings for you in the sense that one would think.. but i have feelings about you. like concerned and a real genuine care about what goes on in your life. it’s probably a little more than it should be but like i said, you really helped me out. when i was dumped on my ass you were there and you were so sweet. and how weird is it that one of your good friends passed away and one of my good friends passed away shortly after? not that that was “good” in ANY sense of the word, but i was glad that i was talking to you when it happened to you, and i was glad that you were there to talk to when it happened to me.

basically, you’re a really sweet kid and i want you to be in my life. not like “oh yeah we’ll chill soon” “yeah for sure” and then it never happens. i mean like let’s talk regularly, about legit things. 

but anyway, you follow me on here and i actually REALLY hope you don’t see this. lmao. and if you do, do me a huge favor and act like you didn’t. cause it’s somehow embarrassing. hahaha.